Hey there. I hope you get to this quickly because I'm going to delete it afterwards, because I'm admitting something here about my mental state that I'm actively fighting and don't want to leave evidence of.
Force yourself. You must become the master of your own internal processes. I dealt with depression and mental illness after the war, and if you want a good example someone you should read about is John Nash, who got sick of being sick and overcame it.
This is all in your head. That makes some people completely powerless against this, and for others that only means they have the hometown advantage. Which do you want to be? If you want the hometown advantage then you need to get into some psychology and neurology. Even the 101 level college course material is good for this. Stop thinking of yourself as some kind of special and unique snowflake helpessly adrift on the sea of your own mind's doings, animated by some kind of incomprehensible spiritual magic nonsense. You're a biological machine of many understandable parts and processes. You're a bag of meat, not made of magic.
Are you fucking sick of being sick? Do you want to be in greater command of the things going on in your own skull? You can evolve to the point where depression, anxiety, and other problems are reduced to biological happenings going on in the backround. You can make them ignorable and overcome them this way, even while they're going on. Depression is no magic boogeyman, it's a chemical imbalance in the imperfect brain that controls and coordinates all your meat. Separate your vulnerable emotional self from the intellectual powerhouse that can understand these things.
My depression and mental illness are separate from me. With strength and discipline I've reduced these things to mere biological processes, much like a sneeze, that I can observe and understand from the true driver's seat of my mind without letting them run the show. I understand them, and don't fear them, and the hometown advantage is mine because this is all in my head. The closer I get to my 30's the more I've come to think I've developed mild to moderate schizophrenic tendencies. Thoughts about people watching me through walls, about people being after me, about secret messages meant for me in greater bodies of information, these are all things I can see past now. I've systems and defensive mechanisms in place for separating illness from reality, and this allows me to conduct myself like a normal human being even when I can't shut down thoughts I'm pretty sure are insane. Sometimes I'm convinced that completely unrelated events have something to do with each other, but I know better than what I feel.
Right now there's something telling me I'm in danger. I can hear radio chatter in the back of my mind along with gunfire and screaming, but from the true driver's seat this can all be ignored and dealt with and overcome. Just last week I had this impulse telling me that this random stranger walking past me was at the heart of some grand conspiracy against me, yet I didn't give them a second look, because I am stronger than this. I have logic, and reason, and critical thinking, and those make me stronger than whatever it is I have going on in here. I've learned to ask myself questions constantly, and to answer them as honestly and fearlessly as possible, while being willing to doubt all these damn feelings and impulses and take critical thought processes over them.
Don't you see how much bigger than this you are? Can't you see how the difference between being at the mercy of this, and it being at your mercy, is a matter of willpower and discipline? What do you want to do? Who do you want to be? It's so indescribably easy. You just need to learn how to install checks and ballances between your mind and your brain. One thing you need to do, and this was the first step I took really, is establish and improve your self-worth.
Find something you want to get into and attack it relentlessly. I wanted remote control drones that would let me fly from a bird's eye view. I knew nothing about how to do this, but attacked it until I did and achieved it. I wanted to be a master of metal, able to alter it to whatever I needed and took up metalcasting and machining. I wanted to have a 3d printer, so I learned how to make one and use it. By demanding more from the healthier parts of myself like this I've made them stronger than the sickness.