There is no single Feminism, the same way there's no single Marxism. That's where the interesting discussion lies. It's a spectrum, and while some parts of the movement are virulent than others, it doesn't mean ALL types of feminism are automatically discredited by them. It's a dynamic movement, and that's not a bad thing.

2nd question: it depends on what type of feminist you talk to. In fact, this is a problem of deconstructing everything the way postmodernism does. In a sense that's why I'm not readily calling myself a feminist, but I wouldn't outright reject it either. Honestly taking down the patriarchy sounds like something that can be done in one fell swoop but really it's a series of incremental changes that hopefully will change the system bit by bit as a whole. Just think about the expansion of women's rights since the 1800, including the introduction of monogamy into Singaporean society and the idea (that we take for granted today) that women and men should enjoy equal work for equal pay (NS notwithstanding). Mindsets have changed, and that's how the system should be changed, and how changed should be introduced and managed. A wholesale imposition of a totally different system would probably be too much to bear, but little changes over time can make a big difference.

Perhaps an example of a very feminist society would be those of the Nordic countries, where (apparently) Ladies' Nights are objectionable because it privileges one gender over the other.