**##There are 3 kinds of movies: The epic mind fuck. This is the kind of movie that Christopher Nolan would make. The kind of movie that has "dat twist at the end doe." The kind of movie that discovers entirely new concepts in quantum cosmic meta astrophysics, that will later be written about in pseudo scientific pseudo philosophical pop science books aimed at white male college undergraduates who are majoring in business but tell everyone on the Internet that they major in STEM (mstrracelol) so they can join in with making fun of the STARBUCKS employee who is OBVIOUSLY a "liberal arts" major. This is the kind of FILM that makes one a better father. These films are most easily identified by their use of meticulous cinematography, the kind where every single frame that doesn't have a pirating website's watermark overlaid on it can be printed out and hung up in your bedroom at your parents house to impress your TF2 league with your awesome sense of minimalist design and, of course, use of colour (totally a brit lol murika). Actually you know who makes a lot of these kinds of movies is Marvel. Have you seen their stuff lately? Marvel doesn't even make superhero MOVIES anymore, they make genre FILMS. For example, Captain America. The Winter Soldier. is a political thriller. Thor 2 is a Shakespearean drama. Iron Man 3 is a psychological thriller. Ant Man is a mac and me parody. Btw, check out this gif here: macandmewheelchairgif.jiff. Guardians of the Galaxy may as well be the pull out method genre it was so risky lol. Fucking total trash. You know the type. These MOVIES (not even going to honour (brit spelling lol fuck Comcast) them with the title "film") are the kind of movie M. Night Shamalamadingdong would make nowadays. Btw, did you know he ruined the last Airbender? I like to pretend that movie doesn't even exist lol XD. Oh wait, I'm talking about it right now. Hunh. Weird. Fuck Tyler Perry. Anyways. These movies are the kinds of movies that don't use color and don't use cinematography. They certainly aren't MINIMALIST by any means. These trash movies will have tons of Michael Bayesque explosions everywhere. Speaking of which, fuck Michael Bay. He made movies about robot transformers that SUCKED and so he SUCKS because he RUINED MY CHILDHOOD. These movies will not further science at all, and maybe even singlehandedly regress science back to where it was when my stupid fundie mom was in college learning WRONG facts like "we only use 10% of our brains." Speaking of which, FUCK LUCY. I hate this movie so much. It's the perfect example of a TRASH FILM. it had so many problems. First, WE DON'T JUST USE 10% OF OUR BRAINS, ALSO IF WE USED 100% THAT WOULD BE A SEIZURE AMIRITE. Second, they made GOD himself (fuck fundies who believe in gOD, btw) say this stupid incorrect fact. Third, ScarJo. ScarJo ScarJo ScarJo. I paid to see you in Avengers. I paid to see you in Iron Man 2. I paid to see you in Captain America. The Winter Soldier. Finally, I paid to see you in Lucy. And guess what. YOU HAVE NOT BEEN NAKED ON SCREEN FOR ME ONCE. I deserve at this point to see you naked, and it's offensive to me that you won't do this. I hope the Fappening 2 happens to you. That'll teach you to make trash films that say we only use 10% of our brains but if we did use 100% that would be a seizure amirite. Anyways. Trash movies. These movies actually don't have to be watched to be identified and categorized, but should you choose to try, these movies are most easily identified by their use of SHITTY CGI. Fuck the Hobbit. Fuck Peter Jackson. Movies that are just fun. This is a more subtle category of film. These films can only be identified through a complex process that involves other people. First, you have to watch the movie. If you enjoy it, you may be ready to ask yourself "does this movie fit in the Epic Mind Fuck category or in the Movies that are Just Fun category? Only one way to tell. You have to log on to reddit, and browse your way over to /r/movies, where many of the world's top minds in cinematography congregate, and wait. Wait for this movie to be brought up. When it is, and you see other people trying to shit all over the movie, and put it in the Fucking Trash Movie category, that's when you know. This movie, while yeah honestly it's not that great anyway, and the CGI is bad and the acting is bad and other people on /r/movies find it to be a bad movie and really yeah you know it's bad, THIS MOVIE is really just fun. You need to then let the other /r/movies denizens know that this movie is honestly just fun so that the conversation will shift in that direction. The movies, which are honestly just fun, that fit into this category are most easily identified by browsing /r/movies and waiting to be told (which will not be a long wait) what these movies are, which is honestly just fun. Furthermore, placing a movie into this category completely absolves the movie of any and all critical evaluation, so don't try to come at me with your explanations of the faults in the cinematography. The cinematography is just fun. Not a Movie but Breaking Bad Finally, as an /r/movies subscriber and long time cinephile, THIS is my favorite category. This category of FILM includes such masterpieces of cinematography and use of colour (fuck Comcast) as Breaking Bad, True Detective, and other great films. A movie that would fit into this category would be most easily identified through the following process. First, you watch the movie. Then, you reflect back on it. Was your mind fucked? If yes, then the next step is to ask yourself this question: When I pirated this film, did it come in one complete continuous stream of film, or did I have to pirate it one segment at a time where each segment was maybe an hour long and had their own titles and arranged in an episodic nature? If yes, then congratulations, you have found a great movie! Well, not a movie, but Breaking Bad. This is truly the best category of film out there. In fact that's why I spend most of my time on /r/ movies advocating for more films to be made as, instead of films, HBO miniseries. Actually you know what would be a great HBO miniseries? Deadpool. Deadpool really only works if it has an R rating. If it doesn't have an R rating, then I won't go see it. Also it needs to have a PG13 rating and only be allowed to say "fuck" once, so I can nominate it on /r/AskReddit for the title of a NotaMovie,butBreakingBad with the best use of its single PG13 "fuck." That fuck should be when daredevil looks at the camera, BREAKING THE 4TH WALL, to say "fuck Comcast." If you liked my analysis, you should check out these great films, Moon (1994), The I N T E R S T E L L O R, and The Avengers 3, which I will be pirating in 2019, since I'm a true cinephile.##