Okay hear me out. One, I have a low cervix and a tilted uterus that has made tampons damn near impossible since I was a kid. Two, I have a history of childhood/teen trauma that resulted in an INCREDIBLY deep fear of the gynecologist, as well as a condition called vaginismus that caused my coochie to involuntarily clamp up. Any level of penetration was painful and resulted in bleeding. I obviously refused to go to the gyno, even when I really should’ve, for preventative reasons too, but because I was being irresponsible sexually and whatnot. Not even the fear of a STD or what have you could get me to go. Just like you, I KNEW I should be going, I understood why it was important, it just wasn’t an option in my mind.

I began a therapy program right before I turned 18. One day they told me to get in the car, we were going to the gyno. I’ll be totally honest it was awful - pain, bleeding, but really the sheer panic and distress I was overcome with was the worst. Full blown PTSD moment right then and there, it was embarrassing. Obviously just intensified my fear of the gyno. The sweet old lady who had examined me tried her best to calm me down, and advised when I inevitably should go again, that I ask for 1. A patient advocate and 2. Anxiety meds to take before. BOTH of those things were a game changer. I had 2 yearly exams, 19 and 20, totally zoinked on Xanax. Then, when I had an ovarian cyst pop at college, I requested a patient advocate. She held my hand and coached me through breathing even though I was a bit panicked.

And then… and this is the most important part… my mom died of ovarian cancer within 4 months of diagnosis. She hated the gyno. Never went regularly. Ignored her health issues until the last minute. There is no test for ovarian cancer, but regular checkups can help find warning signs like hormone imbalances or suspicious cysts. Her death sealed the deal for me - how important it is to take care of your reproductive health despite your own fears. I’m not downplaying or discrediting your feelings about not going, I’m just pointing out that there ARE steps you can take to work through it. It’s not even an unusual issue to have. It just requires effort and advocating for yourself even if you feel uncomfortable. I had my first exam without meds or an advocate last spring - I was just super upfront and honest to my (brand new!) gyno, and she took SUCH good care of me. Write out what you want to say, rehearse it, etc. but try to work through the anxiety to simply ask for what you need. I think you’ll be surprised at how much people will want to help