Don't beat yourself up, OP. It sounds like he wanted to have sex, and even have sex with you, just not in that way at that time ... but I didn't gather it took that much to convince him.

I feel like there is a gray space in terms of sex and coercion that no one wants to talk about or look at because in our head the binary of yes/no or want/don't want seems so cut and dry. Sexual consent should be a logic gate, open or closed, but it's often more like a meadow with a lot of different plants and even animals scurrying about and flying around.

... seduction is rarely simple, and the way we force complex human interaction into these simple right/wrong boxes is infuriating.

How much pressure is too much? Media practically teaches kids the No, No, No, Yes script. The chase, foil, chase back, foil, chase, deny, chase, give-in sexual script is really common, and it's severely problematic to call it rape.

I sound like a rape apologist ... but really where do we draw the line between a less than ideal interaction after some hesitation and "sexual assault"? The anwer to this question is important. Enthusiastic consent is the easy answer, I guess ... but everyone's enthusiasm is different, dammit.

You take a girl out, she offers a nightcap upstairs "But no funny business" and then she changes into something "more comfortable" ... does the "no funny business" request still apply? Did it ever?

I get a lot of people have a sexual script that is very "ENTHUSIASTIC AND EVIDENT DESIRE FOR SEX SHARED BY BOTH PARTNERS! YAY!" but I, for one, like allure ... I like a tease ... I like to chase and be chased and cajole and be cajoled to give in to my passions and for my partner to have to surrender to hers.

Whatever.

Or you're a rapist and dating your victim. Enjoy the Stockholm syndrome?