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Remember this? I bet you do, it's still your desktop. I drew this because I saw a great thing in you. Call me corny, but really you're one of the most Generous people I've had the pleasure to personally know. I drew this because I wanted to give back to this awesome plounger, as he'd giving thousands away. You gave it away just because you wanted to see other people happy. You leaving forever though... That changes things. You loose friendships... It's just not worth it to do. Worst of all there's no going back.
Right now you NEED to go to counseling. There's a ton of things in place to stop people from ending your life. I urge you to go.
[9:48:21 PM] 1125 a: yeah, and as soon as I do any of that, my family goes stupid.
[9:48:35 PM] 1125 a: father doesn't believe in mental health and calls people on meds drug addicts
[9:48:43 PM] 1125 a: mother goes massively depressed (again)
[9:49:08 PM] Skyline: How old are you?
[9:49:12 PM] 1125 a: mothers side of the family equates depression to down syndrome. you are basically less than a functioning human from their standpoint.
[9:49:20 PM] 1125 a: the answer is 23 and devoted to the respect of my parents]
[9:49:28 PM] 1125 a: what they say means a lot to me.
[9:49:30 PM] 1125 a: a LOT
[9:52:19 PM] Skyline: So. You're going to kill yourself because your depressed ....and you think that's better than simply going to counseling? There's a big difference between going to talk to a professional and a Mental health deficiency...
Take your health into concern before other people just tell you differently... Their word may mean a lot to you but right now do your own thing. Be strong.
[9:53:26 PM] 1125 a: which is painful. their words keep coming.
[9:54:51 PM] Skyline: Then stop listening. If they let their son die because they didn't want him to get professional help, fuck them. (sorry for language)
[9:55:41 PM] 1125 a: as if it is that easy for me to stop listening. the gayburn incident wouldn't have affected me so bad if it was that easy...
[9:58:47 PM] Skyline: I.. Don't know about that one. Ok. Lemme put it this way.
You tried to kill yourself and think you have nothing to loose... (absolutely wrong way to think, but I get it, I've been there) Why don't you just leave? Go somewhere else. Start a new life? You wouldn't be talking with your parents anyway, all your friends would miss you, it's the same destruction you would leave behind, but at least you would be living right?
[10:00:18 PM] 1125 a: because I would still be living the same hell, I would have left school, I would have lost my fellowship and lost my job, and I would be 100% unhappy as they would still be talking about me and I would be living. after the first few things and the fact that I have to pay back the fellowship if I don't complete, I would end up killing myself either way.
[10:07:03 PM] Skyline: So you think that nothings going to change for you? For the rest of your life your going to be doing what you are now? I call bullshit on that. You're in a rough patch, we all go through them, but you need to get back up. You never know what's going to happen, what life you can live. You could even find love, a stable relationship. Killing yourself ends all hope for future happiness, and theirs no going back.
There's been so Many ploungers that have made it clear that they don't want you to kill yourself. It is absolutely clear that human nature makes it hard to make clear decisions when were really emotional. From the outside looking in, Everyone agrees that killing yourself is bad. Your ending a temporary problem permemtly.
[10:08:40 PM] Skyline: You only get one life. You need to change this around and live it. I know you can do it
[10:09:32 PM] 1125 a: this temp solutions seems like a good option, though. can't lie on my feelings there.
I get one life. I already massively fucked it. I am just going to cause more damage. that's all I have done.
[10:14:18 PM] Skyline: You're not the first to have a problem this bad. You wont be the last. But there are numerous cases of people turning their life around and becoming successful. I want you to be there.
[10:15:35 PM] 1125 a: I know I am not the first. obviously I am too incompetent to really help myself anyways.
I can't be successful. that means I would have to do good. which I can't.
[10:16:44 PM] Skyline: Everyone has Good inside of them. Have Disney movies taught you nothing? :P
Joking aside, I know you can. And I bet you know too. LJust believe in yourself
[10:17:34 PM] 1125 a: you know I have seen my first Disney movie about 3 weeks ago.
[10:17:37 PM] 1125 a: snow white..
[10:18:24 PM] Skyline: It's a good watch, you should see more of them. Their called classics for a reason
[10:18:37 PM] 1125 a: I was never allowed to watch such things.
[10:19:46 PM] 1125 a: I was in the hospital when I watched snow white.
[10:20:38 PM] Skyline: Alright, I'm starting to see a trend here
[10:21:40 PM] Skyline: Why do you think you do everything wrong? Do you parents tell you that?
[10:21:57 PM] 1125 a: no. my mother is a person for encouragement.
[10:21:59 PM] 1125 a: father...
[10:22:09 PM] 1125 a: well, it isn't a 100%, so you fucked up something.
[10:22:20 PM] 1125 a: anything that is done, could have been done better.
[10:22:48 PM] 1125 a: you could have gotten that answer quicker if you did it this way and didn't fuck up that part and such...
[10:22:58 PM] 1125 a: mother was always proud of what I did.
[10:23:09 PM] 1125 a: but she also gets depressed really really easily.
[10:23:15 PM] 1125 a: and I hate seeing her like that.
[10:23:50 PM] Skyline: Has anyone but your father say you've messed up?
[10:24:36 PM] 1125 a: brother on occasions, had a couple of teachers say it here and there on assignments. oh, and me.
[10:26:06 PM] Skyline: Everyone makes mistakes. I've gotten called out by teachers and students myself. But it seems like your father is the driving factor.
You're going to let your life rest on the opinion of one man?
[10:27:07 PM] 1125 a: no. mothers words are important too,
I let it rest in both of their hands (although, granted, his words swing a little harder)
[10:27:26 PM] 1125 a: I don't have a say in my life anyways.
[10:27:37 PM] 1125 a: its not mine to really accurately control.
[10:28:48 PM] Skyline: You're 23 and living in America. There's millions of people who wish to be in your spot, use it, don't throw it away
[10:29:06 PM] 1125 a: They can have it.
[10:29:25 PM] 1125 a: I wasted it already
[10:29:33 PM] 1125 a: and will more than likely waste it more.
[10:29:41 PM] 1125 a: I feel bad that I have it and they don't really.
[10:29:50 PM] 1125 a: there is a person in the DPRK that could use it more than I.
[10:31:09 PM] Skyline: Your missing the part where your life is important.
[10:31:24 PM] 1125 a: because everyone elses is. mine is not.
[10:31:30 PM] 1125 a: that is why it is missing.
[10:31:40 PM] 1125 a: all that matters to me is that you guys are well.
[10:32:12 PM] Skyline: Then realize that you hurting makes us hurt.
[10:32:21 PM] Skyline: All we want to see is you better
[10:32:30 PM] Skyline: That requires work on your end
[10:32:41 PM] Skyline: you can't just give up
[10:32:41 PM] 1125 a: that is when I say that a new goal is needed for you guys. one not hinged on me.
[10:32:59 PM] 1125 a: I don't just give up
[10:33:02 PM] 1125 a: I give up.
[10:33:08 PM] 1125 a: not just give up.
[10:33:17 PM] 1125 a: there is more that happens post giving up.
[10:33:25 PM] 1125 a: but now we are getting into pedantics and I will stop
[10:33:32 PM] 1125 a: your point is well defined.
[10:34:25 PM] 1125 a: and wait, are you saying that I have not tried or worked?
[10:34:40 PM] 1125 a: because I can tell you that is just a little bit of bullshit there.
[10:34:44 PM] 1125 a: okay let me stop lying
[10:34:52 PM] 1125 a: that IS A LARGE AMOUNT of bullshit there.
[10:44:09 PM] Skyline: I'm not perfect.
no one is, so forgive me for trying to talk you down. My answer is still don't kill yourself. It's wrong. Sorry that I couldn't have done more.
1 (800) 273-8255 Call this and don't make the worst decision of your life.
If you EVER feel like talking, pm me, and I'll talk.
I just can't see the conversation getting better right now. So lets take a break and cool down right now.
You're loved. Never forget that.
[10:44:56 PM] 1125 a: >1 (800) 273-8255
looks like the suicide prevention hotline...
[10:45:07 PM] 1125 a: talked to them for about 6 hrs today.
[10:45:20 PM] 1125 a: and talk to them for about 3 before the antifreeze incident.
[10:45:39 PM] 1125 a: either way. this number is saved in my phone. thanks for it.
[10:46:20 PM] Skyline: I'll talk to tomorrow only If you promise that we will.
[10:46:41 PM] 1125 a: argh. another promise thing that I can never ever keep.
[10:46:57 PM] Skyline: You can keep this one.
[10:47:08 PM] 1125 a: probably not.
[10:47:27 PM] 1125 a: but eh. we'll just wait and see on this one.
[10:49:06 PM] Skyline: You better.