• Tight writing. Looks like a lot of work has gone into it. • The elaborate setup about getting together seemed out of place in a work this short. • I felt the Nihilist setup went on too long. The various scenes recounting Sam’s isolation did not hang together. I imagine you listing the Nihilistic ideas you want to illustrate, writing them, and then forcing them into a single narrative. • The introduction of Nietzsche’s name through the drunk guy seemed forced. Kind of reads like, “This story is about the works of…” • Will’s voice is very clear, charismatic. Russell Brand, I suppose, with all the Katy Perry stuff. Speaking of which, I think you spent more time with her various songs than I cared to be bored by. • I’m not sure how you expect us to takes Sam’s going along with the rape et al. If anything, it seems like he fell into exactly the situation that the 5pm Sam would have wanted. • I like the twist on the Leonard and Lobe story. I think I would have enjoyed it even more if the victim had been the self-professed superman. But I see what you are going for. And if it had not ended in a murder… well you would have needed something brilliant.

Minor stuff: • personal toiletries and belongings. --> toiletries and belongings. • When BARTENDER is introduced, you don’t reveal her gender (or anything else) so during the Bruges bit, we don’t have an image of her. • Exits an alley --> appears from an alley • “brandishing” is to show the weapon. But then he carries it by his side. Perhaps, “readying”? • “I own property around the country through a dummy company. This is some of that property.” This seems like a writer’s answer to a story problem that comes off unconvincing and bland. I, in fact, had not seen the problem you needed this to correct. Will is such an off the wall character that I think he can eschew explanation without Sam getting suspicious. • Does Kelly react to the drug line or the situation in general? Might want to make it clearer.