Just because you're grandparents were raised that way doesn't make it right. Can you imagine the absurdity, if you met an elderly White couple or person saying, "Yeah, back in my youth, we used to call them the [N-word] and lynching were common."

Oh my goodness. You being 16...I think you're old enough to reason that "fag" when NOT used by member of the LGBT is considered denigrating and offensive.

Since you're still in the closet, I'm also letting you know that you should not allow anyone outside the LGBT to use "gay" pejoratively.

The next time you hear a family member, you need to take stand and raise your voice. You can say something like, "Yeah, I found out that using the 'fag' is similar to the n-word. It's offensive and inappropriate."

I don't know, if you know, but "faggot" is a noun that means "wood to burn." Gays were called this denigrating term, because gays were burnt alive as "faggot." If you know the history of how gay people suffered, I truly—truly believe that you should man up and take a stand.