It's like being a little tiny kid and wondering what is so wrong with you that your mommy (your whole world at that age) hates you and is always mad at you. It's being 12, getting ready for elementary school graduation and watching your mother fly into a rage over nothing and ripping your dress in front of you to pieces, then buying you an oversized ugly pantsuit to wear the next day in all the pictures with pretty and appropriately dressed children. Loved children. It's being 14, and slamming your mother up against a wall to make her stop beating your younger (3 and 4 year old) siblings. It's being 16, dropping out of school because you're so behind and have basically given up on life, living with an older guy and watching life pass by. It's being 19 and having bill collectors inform you that you're over $2000 in debt to utility and cell phone companies, and discovering your mom has been using your identity to rack up bills, when confronted she said "oh I forgot to pay them but I meant to". My credit was ruined before I ever used it. It's being a mother now and terrified of every single parenting choice I make, full of self loathing at every mistake I make, unable to regulate my emotions and unable to find help. My mother killed my spirit and ruined who I could have been. You aren't lucky to have good parents, it's what we all deserved. Love to you, I'm so happy you had a better experience growing up.