I think it’s more of what you identify with than what you “allow” which yeah ultimately is choosing what you “allow” without really choosing. example: if I identified with being too open and vulnerable and saw that as a bad thing then Ofcourse I’d be offended/hurt by someone calling me that but, if I identified with being too open and vulnerable and saw that as a good thing someone saying I’m too open and vulnerable even if they said it as a insult wouldn’t bother me at all and I might even take it as a compliment it’d be the same for anything else, we give meaning to words and what we identify with, idk if the way I’m saying it makes sense or not with the example I gave but I tried lmao