I understand how that can rock your perception of medical authority as they somehow don't crossreference these medications and the feelings/ lack of hopelessness that comes when you realize that they essentially gave you the disease - fuck those doctors. It isn't comparable to your case but I was medicated with Concerta for years starting with 18mg and eventually up to 90mg w/ 20mg of Ritalin to 'kickstart' my day - all psychologist prescribed for my 14 - 20-year-old self as an ADHD kid. This had a major impact on sleep, the ability to form sustainable self-esteem wrt forming healthy work habits, and a sneaking suspicion that they may be long-term cardiac fallout from such a sustained, heavy dose. It helped me realize that in the end no one actually knows what the fuck they are doing - which is at the same time terrifying but also liberating in a tragic-comedy sort of way. I ended up marrying a doctor who was also misdiagnosed with epilepsy and treated with Tabor for five years. Go figure. Nice to see you juicing those lemons for some positive lemonade, brah.