First off, if someone I knew, talked to, was trying to as out on a date, used a racial slur toward someone else, I wouldn't wait around to hear if they use it a second time. I'd have already left whoever they were. Hell, it doesn't even have to have a racial overtone; If someone treats another human being with even close to that level of contempt, I don't need to be around them. There are assholes everywhere, and they act like that to everyone. Does it suck? Yes. Is there anything we can do about it? Sadly, no.

And who is to say I don't understand where you are coming from? Do you have any idea how many offers for dates I have been turned down on in my life? You have no idea what my background is. Where I grew up. What I had to go through. Yes, we are already a very small portion of the population. And yes, if you want to further categorize, classify, group and divide us you get even smaller subsets; Asian, Black, fat, skinny, body size, dwarf, disabled, mobility impaired, special needs...the list goes on and on. Many men in those categories have been turned down in a lot more terrible ways I'm sorry to say.

When I was starting college I was turned down in terrible ways for reasons that were not at all related to my race. And you know what? When I was in college there was no such thing as Grindr. So all of the terrible rejections you suffered over an iPhone app, I experienced in person. Face-to-face. Usually in a public setting with a half dozen other people within earshot. And these rejections were a lot nastier than a curt text message saying "no Asians." I was rudely awakened to the fact that my place in the gay caste system was probably no better than yours. Gay guys are the most judgmental, superficial, catty people on the planet.

Just about every gay guy out there grew up through high school seeing his straight classmates dating and figuring out the social order of things while we hid who we were so we didn't get the fucking shit kicked out of us again on the way home. I'm sorry you had to deal with racist comments being thrown at you. Some of us had more than our feelings hurt.

You don't need my sympathy? Good, because you won't get it. You do have my understanding though that what you have gone through has been more difficult than a lot of people know. I never once said anyone's sadness was unwarranted. I'm sad a lot of the time. And you considered ending your life? Congratulations, an overwhelming majority of gay kids at one point or another consider suicide. And guess what? We have all been there, feeling that we're worthless, that nobody will ever want us.

My point is, people can be racist fucks, of course. They could specifically not want to date or have sex with anyone from a certain racial group because they are racist. But, just because you don't want to sleep with a particular racial group doesn't automatically make you a racist.

I'll give you an example. One of my first roommates after I moved out of my parents place was of a certain racial background. I won't say which, but it wasn't Asian. I have never been sexually attracted to anyone I've ever seen who is of this racial background. I don't have a strict "no" rule when it comes to this group, but I wouldn't ever consider it. Oh, and my roommate? He has been my best friend for 9 years. Does that make me racist to that group?

Finally, there are many other "no" rules that gay guys have. Whining about "racism" isn't going to change it. Once you get out of college, and someone doesn't want to date you on Grindr, nobody will care if the person rejected you because you were Asian, red headed, fat or in a wheelchair. It might be racially motivated, but there isn't a damn thing anyone can or will do about it. So my advice to you is grow a thicker skin like the rest of us did kid. You're going to need it.