After reading excerpts from Eldridge Cleaver's Soul On Ice (where he admitted to raping black and white women), I realized I might've internalized racism... or more precisely, misogynoir. Had to unpack that shit.

https://mltheory.files.wordpress.com/2017/06/soul-on-ice-eldridge-cleaver.pdf

"There is no love left between a black man and a black woman. Take me, for instance. I love white women and hate black women. It's just in me, so deep that I don't even try to get it out of me any more. I'd jump over ten n'gger bitches just to get to one white woman. Ain't no such thing as an ugly white woman. A white woman is beautiful even if she's bald-headed and only has one tooth .... It's not just the fact that she's a woman that I love; I love her skin, her soft, smooth, white skin. I like to just lick her white skin as if sweet, fresh honey flows from her pores, and just to touch her long, soft, silky hair. There's a softness about a white woman, something delicate and soft inside her. But a n'gger bitch seems to be full of steel, granite-hard and resisting, not soft and submissive like a white woman. Ain't nothing more beautiful than a white woman's hair being blown by the wind. The white woman is more than woman to me .... She's like a goddess, a symbol. My love for her is religious and beyond fulfillment. 1 worship her. I love a white woman's dirty drawers. [...]

I don't know just how it works, I mean I can't analyze it, but I know that the white man made the black woman the symbol of slavery and the white woman the symbol of freedom. Every time I embrace a black woman I'm embracing slavery, and when I put my arms around a white woman, well, I'm hugging freedom.