My only tale worth telling is the saga of General Martinho, when playing Medieval 2.

You see, Martinho was a flipper. He was the anti-Julianus Vatinius. There was literally not a single redeeming quality about him - poor management, poor morale, poor everything.

He was a general of mine who was so bad at managing a city that they revolted soon as he started manging them and stopped soon as he left. They didn't even need more garison or anything like that. They just...really fucking hated Martinho.

So I sent the bastard on a suicide mission, yeah? But then he survived, and killed the King of France. Then I tried to have him killed by sending him on a crusade by himself. Which he won. Then I tried to get him killed through old age. Then soon as he died, another general with the exact same fucking name appeared out of nowhere and was also connected to my faction leader.

Long story short, the bastard I hated more than anything became my king.

I posted the entire story on the TotalWar sub as it was happening, so here's the links in case anybody is curious about the details:

(For the most part I posted one image and the top comment is my explanation of what on earth happened)

https://www.reddit.com/r/totalwar/comments/5lgzzc/i_tried_getting_the_worst_general_i_had_killed/ https://www.reddit.com/r/totalwar/comments/5lk0t5/following_you_guys_advice_i_attempted_to_send_my/ https://www.reddit.com/r/totalwar/comments/5lurj7/the_saga_of_martinho_the_fucker_ch3_the_hands_of/ https://www.reddit.com/r/totalwar/comments/5m3o5q/i_tried_to_kill_my_most_hated_general_including/