The need to be socially performative amidst the stultifying atmosphere of a scaled-up tech company (any office job) is wholly unnatural in its incentives, beyond simply making money and being good at my craft. It's always felt alienating and unreal to me, to behave as I must on the job.

I think it's an aspect of working in a service economy (rather than manufacturing or 100% artisanal/craftwork). I have to play a role that feels alienating to me -- be somebody who I am not.

But as time wore on, I was able to shrug off the chip on my shoulder, and not feel like every day was a new chapter out of Catcher in the Rye.

None the less: social expectations are still the most exhausting aspect of my career. I'd rather just go heads-down and make things, like in eras past.