(White people from northern towns) You are pale. Tan people are pale. Your stomach is the palest, because of the lack of opportunity to wear a bikini, but you have distinct Birkenstock tan lines across your foot where the palest of your pale sweeps through, because apparently your feet don’t feel cold. Vampires like to be around you because they feel tan when next to you. The appearance of the sun shines on you, and you now have the ability to blind others by simply wearing a tank top. You can’t look at your own arms for fear of blinding yourself. You will happily stay under the nice cool umbrella when visiting out of town because, if you feel so daring, one minute in the burning heat will turn you a pink you never thought possible.

You’re pale.