Decided to go out with some friends to a strip club and pre gamed pretty hard. Had to stop to puke on the way but rallied so everything's fine until we get there. I enjoy myself for a bit and find a friend passed out at one of the tables. He's a solid 4 or 5 inches taller than me and probably 50 pounds heavier, so carrying him out without drawing a lot of attention was difficult. He slumped over like a bag of wet socks on the curb outside and generally just lost the contents of his stomach (or so i thought). As I pull this life-sized mannequin muttering gibberish into the uber, he spits up a bit and the Uber driver loses his fucking mind about how his car is ruined and he's going to have to report it and it'll take forever to get out etc etc etc. I eventually throw the potato sack back on the curb and talk this uber driver in a $50 bribe, get this guy into a different uber and back to my room. Since he lost some of his shit he couldn't get into his room and crashed on my floor. About 3 am i hear my international student roommate starting a commotion and wake back up to this kid completely pissing himself all over the floor right i front of my bed. While staring at me as I'm sleeping. Nothing like the sound of someone relieving themselves all over your floor and waiting for you to wake up. Needless to say, he didn't remember why he had vomit and piss all over his pants the next day.

Moral of the Story: Strip Clubs - Once is enough.