Sorry I've taken awhile to respond. Originally our relationship started out long-distance. While it was long-distance, I began emailing another girl from the college I was attending at the time, and went as far as to tentatively plan a date with her. However, my wife (then girlfriend) found out about it, vengefully emailed the girl several times, and shut me down. It was wrong on my part to betray her trust. This is still the defining mistake of our relationship (this was 4-5 years ago).
However, there have been 2-3 times in our relationship/marriage where our agreement has been that I wouldn't look at any porn or anything, and I've slipped up and done some of that (including messaging women online) behind her back, and then either been caught or confessed. So that has, on the few occasions, re-opened old wounds and set back some progress. The longest stretch I've gone has been almost two years without porn, until last August when I slipped up again.
If so, you have to be realistic about the fact that she may never be OK with a polyamorous situation due to the trust issues.
That's exactly what I'm worried about. The problem is she absolutely refuses to listen to me when I tell her that no other woman out there could change the way I feel about her. No matter how good the friendship or sex theoretically may be, my wife will always be much more special to me. She doesn't see it that way, and I'm worried she never will.
Most of the time I feel like I want to leave. I've been this close multiple times (she's been close too). Something keeps us going. To lose her would be giving up a lot. Aside from this issue, we have a mostly great relationship, and I absolutely adore her more than I can put into words. It would be horrible to lose her.
We've both been in and out of therapy for years. I'm on my third therapist. She's been with her same therapist for a couple years now. We've done couples therapy a few times as well. And we're still here, on opposite sides of the issue, waiting for the other to miraculously change. It's exhausting.