I think i probably do have bitch type behaviors. I don't like confrontation. I just don't function well in those situations. My mouth goes dry, my heart pounds, my hands shake. I try hard not to be offensive or over step boundaries. Maybe that's passive aggressive, bitch like thing.

While I'm not hysterical, i tend to have "feelings" too much to be masculine. Things don't roll of my back the same way they do with manlier guys. I tend to dwell on it more. And it affects how i feel. A lot of guys would call that bitchy.

The way you just thought about what you're attracted to in men, i do the same from the other side. I wonder if a man (like me) who isn't violent or aggressive the way men are suppose to be could be attractive. Women want protectors don't they? Someone who makes them feel safe? Like your military husband does, I'm sure. I've wondered if it's selfish of me to want a woman, knowing very well these deficiencies. Certainly any woman i could love deserves a man who's man enough. How can i be with someone i know isn't as safe with me as she'd be with a military man, for instance.

I was watching this show once, where this woman had her boss solicite her sex. Said he'd pay her. Of course she refuses, she goes home and tells her boyfriend he should go to his house and beat him up. Remember thinking how I'd probably couldn't do that.

I'm surprised about the attraction to flamboyant gay men. (do you mean like fat guy from modern family?) Maybe women's attractions aren't as narrow and well defined as i know them to be.

And you're right, i wouldn't think a woman won't make a good wife or mother because of her butt. But i guess i just don't know how knowing a man has a small penis might color me differently in a woman's perspective. I know atleast one, potentially one or two more, in my personal life who were disappointed with that revelation. Do women see a man differently once they know he's not working with much? My secret hope is that i could meet a woman who doesn't experience a ping of disappointment once she knows. A woman who doesn't have a voice in her head saying "oh, shit! He's small. Okay, well, let's see how this goes".

That's really cool about the new guy. Very nice. That's encouraging. I hope it all goes well with you guys.

Your last paragraph is eerie, as if you known me a long time. I do spend a lot of time beating myself up. All i ever see are my deficiencies and shortcomings. Sometimes it's memories from an instance where i wasn't strong enough, clever enough or man enough. And i struggle to tell myself i could be someone's perfect guy without that other voice in my head saying "c'mon guy, get real!"

But I'm not disagreeing with you at all. I'd love nothing more.