similar for me too...I had been off all drugs for 8 years. i had moved to a place where it wasnt possible (quality, availability, price, just didnt exist for me anymore). All i had was dreams and fantasies which eventually led me to Silk Road. I used to randomnly google search for drugs and you could find research chemicals on alibaba but nothing that seemed worthwhile Something came through in my search which led my to tor and Silkroad. The first time i opened up Silkroad and found the drugs i craved and at a good price - i was thinking this is too good to be true. Id started reading about tor but felt unsafe just from opening the page. I would make sure to shut it own after 5 or 10minutes thinking i would be busted for just browsing the site. the drug i wanted was only available internationally...so it took a few months to convince myself i wasnt doing something that was stupid, it sounded so risky it was hard to believe it was possible. I didnt think it would work, my country makes it hard and also who are these people posting me drugs from the otherside of the world - the only dealers id known i couldnt imagine them doing that.....so amsterdam i ruled out as adding extra risk and decide to give 10toes from america a shot. I decided a false name was safer and ordered 1gram of crack, which required FE, made a crack pipe in readiness and waited. The wait was easy, cause i didnt expect it to arrive. Normally the mail is just dropped in the letterbox. This particular day about midday i got a knock on the door and it was the postman. He handed me five envelopes and slightly larger brown one which i had to sign for. The postman appeared slightly angry with me, I didnt think, im glad i didnt as i probably would of panicked, but i notice in the letter had the false name and american stamp. What I was signing for was something my wife bought on ebay from china. Though when he said sign here i wasnt sure what i was signing for. Anyway, perhaps the postman was suspicous is what i thought but i had my envelope. I couldnt believe how neat and professional it looked. I had the letter opened and loaded my pipe in what would of been no more than 1minute. 8 years of nothing gone in instance. The gram was finished by 5pm that day, my intention was just to have one gram