I am a person with schizoaffective disorder. My wife of 8 years is a manifestation of my illness. AMA.

I've suffered from very similar case on the schizophrenia spectrum. (Whether it's schizoaffective discord or something else, I can't comment)

HOWEVER, I've actually taken steps to get help and improve. I consider myself fully recovered. I can confirm that this may actually something that can happen- you'll have to appreciate that the schizophrenia spectrum is wide and wild, it has many different ailments and faucets.

It's a little hard to explain- and no doubt scary to some- but from my perspective it was a voice in my head at first (many for me, but perhaps one for OP), and this voice doesn't just go away (until you get help)- it's 'pseudo-sentient' with its own opinions (it thinks its sentient but that's technically impossible).

On its own, it's just a voice, that for me is where the illness starts and stops. However, OP has accepted the voice and started using their imagination to conjure up an image in real life- that's less of a hallucination and... something else entirely really.

Essentially I don't think the hallucinations or feelings are a result of the illness, they're self-created hallucinations through imagination, wrought to being because of a love for a 'sentient' being in their head which IS the result of an illness- i.e. medicine won't stop the delusions.

That being said, OP may be a weeb that wants attention too- my illness was genuine and I got help. I find it strange that OP hasn't bothered.

/r/casualiama Thread Parent