I am on subs rigth now. ive been mostly clean for the first time in 10 years for the past 6 months. ive still been fucking up. i had actually totally got off opiates and ive never been off heroin, methadone, or sub, always on one or the other.

so i was off. clean for 6 weeks finally feeling better, (i threw up for the first 10 days it was fucking horrible and i still had restless leg at 6 weeks). i was doing 6-10 speedballs a day for the past 3 years straight though and never missed a day-before that just heroin. Before I detoxed in january this year I had massive christmas bonuses and was shooting 40 bags a day and 10 to 20 of the little 8 dollar vials of coke. detox was fucking horrible.

anyway i finally got clean, then after 6 or 7 weeks i got my tax return and went out and got high for a week straight like only slept 6 hours twice. blew through 3k. it took me 3 days for my tolerance to get back up to 40 bags no joke. then iw as clean for another 4 or 5 weeks, then went out and used for 3 days, went to detox, clean again for a little,e used for a few days, went to detox, and i kept with my pattern fucking being a retard and thinking i coudl shoot one bag, and used lightly for a few days.

now ive been on subutex for like 11 days. i dont wanna start this opiate dependancy again but its the lesser of two evils. I was taking 8mg but thats a huge dose... taking 4mg now

really what i wanna do is get off it and get on vivitrol but oyu gotto be clean 10-12 days before getting the shot. that shot works wonders. you can NOT get high on opiates when your on the shot... and even 36 days later i still couldnt get high, took me 45 days. so knowing its impossible, its not like meth or subs that you can just shoot a bigger shot and get through it, you dont have bad cravings.

anyway just rambling.