I'm as of yet undecided on her awesomeness, but she's legit and she's capable. We've only had 5 sessions so far.

I'm really struggling with this talking about things business and we had a little bit of an issue where I was really annoyed by something she had done. I recognised my reaction wasn't only to her and I told her we had to discuss it. So we did, and she handled it 'textbook', which is a positive for me. She took responsibility for what she did, while also pointing out she's going to be imperfect and exploring with me the reasons I had such a strong reaction. She wasn't defensive.

I'm not sure how this therapy relationship is going to develop, I'm observing my own reactions a lot and I'm thinking I'm nowhere near ready to fully trust her. I want to hit the breaks a bit and not talk about big stuff for a few sessions. But I'm not thinking it's much to do with her, I've wondered if she's the right fit for me. She's a psychoanalytic therapist and she's been a bit 'distant'. But that's just a sense I get that I know is distorted by my own struggles. I also know that if she'd be any other way I'd freak out even more. Like, if she would show more empathy or say anything to validate how hard things are or whatever. I couldn't handle it. I already am withdrawing right now because of the few tiny interpretations she made as 'offhand remarks' that showed me she understands the impact of my life's events on me.

Man, therapy is hard. Even though every part of my wants to quit right now, instead I'll bring it up next session and we take it from there. And in that sense I can say she's awesome because she has managed to convince me in 5 sessions that I can bring this up and she will respond appropriately. When I say next week that I want to take a break from big stuff talk I know she won't push me. Which will allow me to show up. If I thought she'd push I would probably not go back at this point.