Why would it waste its breath to tell you you're not worth it? Do you tell everyone not worth your time that they're not worth your time? Of course you don't because they're not worth the time you'll waste doing that.

No, but if people keep trying to talk to me then I sometimes do tell them why I'm not responding. Something like "yeah, look, I'm alive. I just don't feel like talking."

Again, what does that mean? Don't get me wrong, it definitely sounds nice, except I'm asking you to give me something deeper, because I'm not convinced you actually did this.

How would you describe it when you open your heart in prayer? It's not a sensation I am well-versed in describing; yet you seem to have a standard like you talk about it all the time. If I'm doing it wrong, your description could be a missing link or whatnot.

I find it more than a little callous that you don't believe what my intentions are (honestly wanting to connect to the other side).

Why put off tomorrow what you can do today? I don't believe you actually want it or else you'd be taking actions in that direction.

I would enjoy an aesthetic lifestyle. I am pursuing other things I enjoy. Like community, friends, and family. Granted that (if a god demanded it of me) I could probably drop it all and follow another life (but not without some longing).

I'm also going to posit that you have a lot of preconceptions about "what I think". Your part about fear says as much. I'm not going to get into details, but you're romanticizing a near-death experience that I've had. The feeling that you get when you think you're going to die isn't just that existential fear. It's the awe (the feeling similar to awful and awesome) that overwhelms you. It doesn't make you freeze up either. It makes you remember how alive and vibrant you are. How much you can still do.