Having you given any thought to breaking this up and posting in <3000 word sections? I think it would really help us wrap our minds around giving you a helpful critique while keeping it on the recreational level.

That said, I enjoy the tone of the intro. The description of the town is fun and accessible, although I would caution that it gets a little repetitive, like we kept hearing what the villagers would say, if we asked them. I once read an essay by Vonnegut describing a small town in which he said it "changed about as often as the rules to chess." Give me a couple variations on the description of the setting and I think you'll capture my attention a little more right from the start.

Dialogue: I think you said your dad wrote this. He's got a knack for natural dialogue with charming colloquialisms.

All things considered, I think the skill is already there, although I didn't get far enough to appreciate the plot. Yes, I'm lazy. Now break this up and submit a section every three days or so so you can actually get a decent critique!