If you have an SO, explain the situation and trust them with your fears and worries. If you are afraid you can't think straight, and stress is likely to make you default to the bad examples you got from childhood or paralyse you because you are so afraid to make the same mistakes.

I recommend professional help for yourself. If you allow yourself to heal, parenting will come easier.

I'm personally in the habit of asking everything to everyone. I have many female coworkers with children, some of them single like me, and if I really don't know I'll just ask a few during lunch. The topic becomes a discussion and I get to see a few different angles from where to approach the problem. And it is also very comforting: you get to find out that things that trigger you are really not signs you're a bad parent, but rather things every parent gets to deal with. Internet is also very helpful here :)

I took from Mindfulness that when things happen, you can step back and allow them to happen. Observe rather than react - ask yourself 'What is happening? Why is this so difficult right now?'

Your child will never want to hurt you. Sometimes it looks like it. You might think 'Why are you doing this when you KNOW it makes me mad/sad/worried'. Truthfully, they don't know. Their memory works very differently from our adult brains and children only develop a conscience from the age of 6. Until then it's repeat, repeat, repeat and don't let it get to you.

And most of all, don't worry. You are allowed to make mistakes. Your children are not your parents. Your kid loves you and has a huge heart with loads of room. Forgiving and forgetting comes naturally to it and if you make your child feel safe and welcome, it will not stop loving you because you got upset or angry.

I could go on and on :) So much of my time is spent on thinking about everything, evaluating my actions and words... I feel guilty when I let him watch TV too long, when I don't feel like playing with him, when he has to go to the daycare center, when I have to make him do something he doesn't like (dressing, clearing his toys, grocery shopping), when I'm happy it's time for him to go to his dad (I'm a co parent, half the week he's with me), when he doesn't have a friend to play with etc. It's exhausting... It's also very rewarding and educational. Nothing brings Nissues to light as effectively as a kid and you have a chance to heal yourself and to raise a good person for the future.

Okay, sorry, I'm branching off. But when I think of my kid - he's such a bright, free and happy child, not afraid to smile or speak his mind - I'm so happy that I have the chance to be part of the life of someone so amazing :) And that feeling overrules much of the anxiety, the fear of messing it up.