i'm going to write a wall of text and i don't know if any of this will make any sense but here it goes:

i try to focus less on whether i win or lose any given match and focus on the progress i make in figuring them out. i'm also a competitive person by inclination, but in a sense that's hard to explain. compared to most people, i don't think i actually like winning that much; i just can't stand losing. but i try to filter a lot of that out and direct my attention toward smaller interactions in the game in order to understand the habits and goals of my opponent. from there, i'll work out what i need to do to win those interactions. so winning games, sets, etc. only has meaning to me in that it signifies that i know how to beat my opponent. and if i lose, i realize i still have a lot of work to do; there's more i can learn, so i keep going.

it's not like i have a great mindset about competitive play; i tilt extremely easily. but i guess i don't think too much about whether i'm going to win or lose until after the match is over, which i think does wonders for my tournament play, for example, and probably explains why i generally don't “play better in friendlies than in tournament”, like a lot of people