So after having spent 2 days doing my stupid customs declaration to get all my stuff back to the UK, I thought I'd let off all that internalised anger by going to a pub in the centre of Paris to see the England Vs France match. Now, I don't care much for football, but there's an unwritten rule in England that you can only express yourself and let off steam under 3 circumstances: 1) you're smashed, 2) there's a football match going on or 3) you're on holiday in a Mediterranean beach resort. The more of those criteria that are satisfied simultaneously, the better. Weirdly though, England lost the match that night (and the single goal by England definitely felt like cheating...) and yet...nobody started a riot that I could participate in. What is the world coming to when we can't drunkenly beat the shit out of a bunch of innocent Fr*nch people because we can't take an L? Kids today have too much respect. So anyway, I ended up having to go home with all emotions still suitably repressed. Sigh.

(obvious disclaimer: I'm joking, I don't condone violence).

Another thing I learnt last night was that you could spot the Brits from the French people from almost a mile away even before they'd opened their mouths. What is it about being an English native speaker vs being a French native speaker that permanently distorts your physical appearance?

Also, you can't just hum to the tune of Seven Nation Army or Freed From Desire and call that a football chant.