It begins when obsession and perfection. We know a lot needs to change in the world, but the process is icky and slow and hard to measure. Sometimes you can get stuck in your own mind, and the notion of how simple it is to change something in your day to day life, but that you are ultimately powerless in the broader scheme of things. You get stuck nit picking about trivial matters out of frustration for larger problems, masking your excuses as indecision and necessity, blinded by your focus. To get out of it you might try to adopt a style of indifference and you gradually lose your grasp of who you were. This only makes it worse, as you can now mold the past to fit your disdain in the present. At this point everyday is a battle, every decision is complicated, and you slowly mesh good and evil so you can act on impulse and avoid the painful process of thinking. But you can't stop, and so now you are just thinking of the ridiculous metaphysical implications of your every move, every thought, every desire. The thinking gets too much, you just want it to stop... and then you realize that means ending your life. You throw the idea aside, but as the endless thinking continues the idea comes up again. And again. And again, feeding back on itself. Until the compulsive nature you've been unknowingly feeding gets hungry at the same time.

And then your gone.

I don't know how to transition into this, but I'd also like to say it is helpful to think of the idea that we stand on the shoulders of giants, that we are building something greater, that there is something greater (whether you wanna call it God, nothing, completeness, spaghetti monster, I dunno I'm just sayin). Jesse may have lost sight of that, but it may help you to hold it closer. When I hit a rough patch I found a lot of solace in DFW (stuff like this), and his art and wisdom helped me to see through the fog and get my balance. I try to allow him to live through/with/etc me in honor of his sacrifice.

That's all I got, best wishes G.