Be sure. Be as honest as you can with yourself about what you truly want and don't want
Earlier I watched a homeless man have his belongings collected by the cops on the beach. As he was running after them shouting, "MY CLOTHES," they sped up. Defeated, he walked back to where he was on the beach wearing pants, and that's it
Literally everything that he had was collected and disposed of. Zero compassion. Zero empathy, and this is in broad daylight in Santa Monica
This is the possibility you face living on the street. You won't be seen as human. You'll be seen as some outcast of society without so much as a glance in your direction
I speak from experience, having been on the street myself a number of times, each spurred by a desire to lean more into what felt true rather than some mask
In fact, it's possible I'll be on the street again very soon. BUT, this was the possibility when I left my family back in July of last year, and also when I left friends I'd been staying with in October of last year, and also when I left a job December of last year, and also at the end of January, then in February
Now it's March and I'm still in a relatively comfortable place with a full stomach. My bank account sits at .94 at the moment and I have about $600 cash on hand
Genuinely I don't have anything. Not much in the way of material goods (it can all fit in a large suitcase), zero motivation to join the workforce, same as you, and everyday there seems to be even less of a sense of 'self' to manage it all
But what there is, is a solid Acceptance/Peace/Joy. By all conventional standards, I'm a wreck. Yet there's something here which isn't owned that is "more than" the circumstance
This isn't really to sell you on one direction or to avoid another. At the end, you're going to do exactly what it is you really want to do. So be sure. Be as honest with yourself as you can
It's worth noting that in the same scene with the homeless man above I happened to be talking with someone who witnessed it all as well. Tears welled up in her eyes, she disappeared for a moment, then came back with a pillow and a blanket and some money to offer the man
He turned to look at me with the biggest grin on his face