This writing does NOT belong to me, it's lengthy but a very solid analysis.
PART 1. I thought calling it "50 shades of abuse" was an overreaction - then I saw the movie. I saw 50 Shades of Grey at the cinema the night it opened. I was expecting to sit there and critique Mr Grey on his flogging technique, have a cheap laugh at his attempt at kink, laugh at the audiences amazement at basic kink, feel superiour to the wannabe kinksters in the cinema who haven't seen anything raunchy since Sex in the City 2, laugh at the bad writing, and compare it frame by frame to Twilight.
And I did all that.
I also thought I'd be laughing at the people calling it "50 Shades of Abuse", I thought they were kinksters who were overreacting to the bad technique, or vanillas confusing kink with abuse, or conservative nut-jobs who think lights-on-sex would invoke the wrath of the lord.
Jesus christ, was I wrong. This wasn't a movie about a young woman finding BDSM, this wasn't a kinky love story. This was the story of an abusive relationship hiding behind sloppy BDSM. I'm disgusted that any time I'll come out to a vanilla in the next 10 years this film is going to be the first thing that goes through their head! I can basically group what was wrong with the movie in 5 categories: Abusive manipulative behavior hiding behind consensual kink (AMBHBCK?), Mr Grey is an asshole, unsafe or generally bad BDSM, unrealistic characters, and filming fuck ups.
(Note - This writing apply only to the movie adaption of the story. I don't recall any of the following problems being in the book).
(TRIGGER WARNING. This is an review of a story of emotional and physical abuse - so it will be talking about these topics. I saw first hand this movie notably upset an emotional abuse survivor, and it could do the same to others.)
Abusive manipulative behavior hiding behind consensual kink
The emotional manipulation was subtle at first, and, just like abusers in the real world, built up over time. To best explain what I feel he's doing, I'm going to describe the Mr Grey Emotional Manipulation Method (tm) (r) (c) in parts and then put them all together at the end.
One of the demands made of Anastasia by Mr Grey was that they sleep apart, and, he defines sleep to include subspace and subcoma. She hates this and is constantly requesting post-sex, post-play, and overnight company. The play shown for each of their first few plays was intimate and light, then, (obviously after some heavier action not shown on screen,) he's shown taking her unconscious, worn, body to her own bed, placing her in her bed, and then leaving. Several times, he sits in the lounge room and plays the piano, and she wakes up alone some time later. Where do I begin with this? People in a coma can suffocate, a happy sub-space can turn quickly to a drop, and I absolutely refuse to leave an unconscious sub alone for these reasons (and others). This isn't manipulative on its own, but it is one of the foundations for his manipulation - for the purposes of explaining it I'm going to call this "The Encourager".
He stated both implicitly and directly that Anastasia was the cause of a particular problem that was actually his fault and his alone, and he was unloading his emotional responsibility onto her. Anastasia was blamed for him feeling aroused, angry, upset, and more. We all obviously know it's never the Dom's fault he's angry, its the sub fault. This contributes to a part of the manipulation I'm going to call "The Notifier"
She was taken to a foreign city for play - separating her from friends and family. She was actually tricked into flying to another city - picked up directly from work for a date early in the film and taken to a helipad. This was delivered under the disguise of "rich guys can spoil a woman", but helped him confidently say "there's the door, walk out it if you want", trapping her with invisible bars of an unknown city. This is, "The Isolator".
She was asked to sign a nondisclosure agreement too - ensuring that she couldn't ask anyone for help without threat of being sued. On a more subtle note, because she couldn't discuss her relationship with anyone, she had no-one to ask "is this normal?". This would lead over time to her having no-one to ask for help - more "The Isolator"