Bear with me because for a minute, it's not gonna seem like what I say next has anything to do with your situation, but I do have a point.
In April it will be 2 years since I was divorced. I was married 22 years. I spent about 11 of those last years in an abusive relationship (physically and mentally). I tried everything I could to keep that marriage together because I didn't want to feel like I failed, but I also felt like it was the right thing to do. You don't give up, right? You figure out what your part in a situation is and you work on you, right? Wrong. Where that led me was hell. I spent the last 5 years of my marriage desperately trying to hang on to something I thought was "right", even though it hurt. It took a huge, very ugly incident for me to not even be allowed to be in the situation (police forced my ex to stay away), and even then I felt guilty.
So here's my point: It's taken a couple of years away from that person and situation to realize that as much as I REALLY wanted to believe it was could work, if I could just be good enough....it wasn't gonna happen. The other side wasn't willing to compromise. It's the same thing with being a JW. If what YOU believe is they're right, then there should be no problem. But if you're struggling, and it's hurting to make yourself fit into a mold you're not designed for, it'll never work. You'll spend your life with guilt, constantly trying to please people. Constantly trying to be better. If only.....and what I've come to learn the further I've gotten away from my marriage (and the JW's) is that "if only" is very abusive. I don't think JW's are purposely abusive; I think they truly believe they're striving for what's right, so it's not malicious, but the end result is the same. You're in pain.
We're all here in this sub for a reason. I've been faded away for quite a while now and I still get this nagging "what if they're right?" thing in the back of my head sometimes. But I've seen enough to know that not they, or ANY religion can be 100% right. And I'm comfortable enough now to at least know that "if" (BIG if) they're right, well, hey, then I'll be dead and won't know the difference anyway, but at least I didn't live my life in a total lie.
I only recently found this sub, but I'm so glad I did. Even if you get scared and change your mind and run back to them, I'd understand. Most of us would. Just know others are here for you.