It’s been a very slow process. My PIMI spouse bounces back and forth between being active and inactive. I have learned not to push any buttons anymore or try to talk about anything because it pushes him back in and it’s devastating to me when it does. We almost split the first couple of years. He was very difficult, suspicious unloving and demanding when I stopped going initially. Expected on meeting nights I have dinner ready early and the kids dressed and ready to go with him. I would cry the entire time they were gone. That didn’t last a long time thank goodness. He’s come a long way and is much better now.
I couldn’t take being silent anymore. About 1.5 years into being PIMI during a disagreement resulting from our situation I told him we should end our marriage. I felt we’d never be able to have a happy life together because we wanted different things and we could no longer have the same friends because I was never going back and he wanted no friends outside the religion. And that wasn’t fair to either of us. I told him I believed it was a cult and I wanted the kids to have a choice. He surprised me by not caring about my apostasy and he wanted us to stay together and work on our marriage.
Shortly after that conversation one of my kids cried to me one day because he said if I wasn’t going to meetings I wouldn’t be in paradise. That was the start of me waking them. I explained that he didn’t have to believe that about mom or anyone else. That he could believe something different anything he wanted. I stopped letting them go after that. I told my husband my kids were not going to believe that about me and surprising he didn’t fight me hard on it.
As of right now my two oldest are awake and none of my kids go to meetings with my husband. Only one went to the memorial with him. It’s hard for him and painful for him and I try to keep and understanding of that. How I would have felt if I was the one still mentally trapped and he left. With regards to my kids I try to install critical thinking in ways beyond religion. Commercials for example, I’ll make comments like, “I wonder if that product is as wonderful as they say or if they just really want us to buy it so they will be rich?” They’ve had to experience DF family and are horrified by it. I have one child left to wake up completely. She’s still young. But I celebrate their birthdays with them now. Small and secretively but we do. My spouse has accepted it although he does attempt to take the joy away from it when I do. But I haven’t completely given up on him yet.
Anyways…that’s some of it. Maybe it can help someone else.