It was supposed to be a routine checkup. After years of good health I didn’t think this year would be the first year with a major bump in the road. But I knew it was going to be bad when the doc and the cute, normally smiley nurse who accompanied him came back with stern looks on their faces. “You most likely have cancer, but we don’t know for sure yet,” said the nurse Stunned, I sat in silence fo a few minutes before asking what my options are. “Today, you have an option of a colonoscopy, or Barstool Sports.” Said the doctor, without changing expressions. It was a hard decision that made me think, but I ended up choosing Barstool Sports. The doc gave me a thumbs up and the nurse nodded as they headed out the door. I picked up my phone and wondered what I’d tell my family, who’d react poorly as they’d know what this would mean for me. But in the end at least nothing would get shoved up my ass. Because that’d be really gay