I don't get some of these problems:

Based off super old technology that no longer has room to grow.

It's an analog port, of course it doesn't. What improvement does the thunderbolt port provide in that respect? That it's powered? I doubt people will be using their IP7 as a dedicated headphone amp...

Phono tech is from 1890, it's reached it's cap.

You're still using headphones though. The only thing that is changing is the audio-out port. I don't believe that we've hit an ultimate cap of audio technology, but maybe we have. Either way, a new port won't change that. You'll still need a DAC, and that technology isn't being replaced by the new port, they're just giving you a dongle.

Uses more battery because phone has to have dedicated DAC to handle conversion.

So... the audio quality to headphones will be worse than normal? I mean, it's great that a powered port will mean more options for external DACs, but who the hell wants to carry around a DAC just to use their Grados or whatever? On the other hand, are headphones supposed to come with their own DACs inside them? You're going from a digital to an analog signal, there's a conversion in there somewhere, whether dedicated in phone or powered by the phone, it's still using juice.

Cable noise because of basic things like movement.

Which is still a problem if you use wired headphones...

Inconsistent user experiences

What does this mean?

I'll agree with you that the other points are problems, though I'm not sure whether a new port actually fixes those problems or just goes from two possible points of failure to just one. Not to mention that if you bend the port with your headphone jack by accident, you can no longer charge the phone anymore. That would blow.