How long have you been interested in Buddhism, /u/happy_penis? are you also interested in what I regard as other... Next-level (for lack of a better phrase) thinking practices?
Have you been having suicidal ideations? I ask because while paths such as Buddhism can provide guidance toward some truly incredible stuff, upto and including Enlightenment, I would recommend talking to either your most sensitive, closest friends about your apparent profound depression. Barring (or perhaps in addition to) that, a counselor.
Even with no personal resources you do have access to free public ones that can help pull you back to a state where you feel steady enough to proceed. PM me if you'd like some info on those.
Assuming you're not full-on making-detailed-plans suicidal (I don't think you are), it sounds like you're instead very, very frustrated with the unsatisfactory-ness of your life, and probably also the often contradictory feeling nature of much of Buddhist (and other next-level) advice.
That is okay, and certainly preferable to the former. It means, difficult though the first steps will likely (though not necessarily) be, you are ready to advance. Congratulations! Seriously. Weird, I know.
Much excellent advice has already been given ITT, so just to add my spin, I would save the following:
To say everything is meaningless is wrong. Everything... everything is profoundly meaningful. Chalk the error up to the admittedly cryptic nature of a very old religion with multiple sects and translations. To say nothing of the fact that the koan - a fairly common teaching tool - is designed to throw the ol' noggin a hair off balance as part of how it teaches.
Is is getting long, so my take-away is this:
1) be kind to everybody including yourself. Love and compassion are key.
2) everything has profound and beautiful meaning, even the seemingly ugly stuff, most just tend to prefer the beautiful stuff.
3) you already have the ability to surmount your current issues, and just behind that you have an outstanding ability to thrive, and help others thrive as well.
Good luck. Sending out some love to you, brother.