Just because you are hearing the same thing over, and over that doesn't coincide with how you *think* it should have went doesn't mean it's bad advice or that other person doesn't know what they are talking about.

You admit to being SERVED with court papers that included a date to attend Mediation, you typically only get served in a lawsuit ONCE, they are not obligated to send someone to track you down and serve you with ever single paper. You were served with the initial document and are therefore aware of the lawsuit and should be keeping tabs on what's happening.

You should have attended the mediation or FILED a formal response with the Courts extending the time to attend mediation while you sought Counsel, a status conference most likely would have been set for thirty to sixty days after the judge reviewed your filing.

"No judge is going to have one party in a divorce not present on the first meeting"

If you fail to appear at the date listed on your summons a Default is entered against you, I'm sure your summons says something along those lines.