How has FSN inspired you?

FSN made me rethink my life and very existence at some level.

I survived a certain incident, a murder of my mother, for no real reason. The killer had every opportunity to kill me but didn't. Not a day goes by when I don't realize that I could have, probably should have died that day. Or maybe I don't. At some level, everything-talking, reading, breathing, recalling- seems fake. I remind myself every day that what is around me is real and often what year it is. I had the opportunity to save her I think and don't know how to describe how that feels. People have always told me I'm not to blame or a lot of BS like that. Truth is, I could have saved her, and even if that isn't what a kid normally does, I could have. And throughout my life I have never found someone who truly understood what it felt like to survive and not save and to lose someone-~everything to me- because of my own mistake. The killer I could have stopped and maybe killed. There is something that changes in a person when they realize what death is or witness it-or maybe it just changed in me, but there is a fundamental change which happens. I don't view death as something that impossible- or unthinkable- when talking or considering things. At some level I am perfectly fine with the death of millions in the world and accept easily-not that a don't feel morally conflicted that I can. There is a part of me, insanely asinine and truly childish which I sometimes feel never grew up, that cares for all of them these countless and yet I fell 'calmed' by the notion of death. I didn't really find someone who related to me, I found a character who had experienced something similar and while different, being stuck in that characters head made me realize so much. And re-learnt a lot. Those dreams, the reaction to that one place, that one memory of a last interaction which becomes your lifelong objective, messed up memories from before that one incident, that recurrence of that memory whenever something similar happens, the demented attachment and utmost contempt of the notion of losing anyone, a certain meaning attached to a loss that almost defines you, the question of if I'm a real individual or something holding on to a dead cause, a self-loathing for your 'previous' self, a certain element of mind of steel I'll keep private, and the almost compulsive need to make a difference made me feel almost convergent with the VN. The emotions and reactions felt more 'real' to me than those of people. There is a difference b/w this story and countless others where there is a similar 'past': this one was more true and grounded in reality by the unique flaws which develop. Airbrushed characters lack the sheer markings of reality which made this hit home. There are a lot of moral questions and conundrums in this VN-topics which can be debated on multiple sides for hours- to no one resolution. It may seem like I'm on a tangent, and maybe I'm embellishing, but there were many moments in the VN which made me relive these sentiments and have someone similar echo in a voice not dissonant. The ideals, the desire, the motivation used to live were things I related to unprecedentedly. And I never had the real chance to look at these events with the clarity of an external view combined with experience but this story allowed introspection through external observation. This is probably why I'm the type who'd take the Archer's deal and be happy about it-being able to make a difference no matter how brutally even after my death- and also loath certain elements in HF, part of what 'answer' helped me realize. I can't speak for the general demographic but certain elements of characters that are criticized aren't entirely inaccurate, well not in my case anyway. So reading this VN at an opportune time of identity crisis was critical. Wouldn't say it turned my life around but it it up what was earlier imperceptible. I think I'd have been entirely lost and drowning in doubt if I hadn't read this. I was able to come to terms with who I am, an accomplishment earlier impossible. This created in me a rather positive outlook for this community when I first found it, something that was only compounded by several rather genuine discussions on certain topics.

I should probably have used a throwaway, but this was pretty much forgotten for months, and at this point I don't know if I care. Wouldn't have seen this had 'This Illusion' popping up on my playlist prompting an impulse to check this site so...

/r/fatestaynight Thread