How much are you looking for them to fork out? I told my parents I wanted to elope, and if they didn't like it they were going to pay. And I said the same thing to DH's parents. If they didn't pay, I was going to cut their entire side...honestly i didnt want anyone there but dh wanted a party (one he still regrets years later, I called it on the just nos ruining it). I didn't want the wedding nonsense and they knew I'd cut it in a heartbeat.

I think you need a nuclear option you are happy with. If you are going to claim you are adults and get to make choices, you should be prepared to pay your own way and do it your own style. She who has the gold makes the rules. Just putting this out there: you can rent a private island resort with a butler for a month in Belize complete w a marriage ceremony for 2 at Mayan ruins for the same price as the national average for a week. Find something you like better, and know 40k gets you a lot in life.