Still I was down that path. At one point I asked for a sign. I then one day decided to watch a show about God. I picked a random episode despite me usually watching shows in order. At one point Morgan Freeman is standing there and you can see a sign that says Apollo.
I'm skeptical. I ask for another sign. I forget how the events were ordered here. But I watched this live show at the Pasadena Ritual house. Dude mentions Minerva with some owl statue he had or something owl related. I like owls. I hear them at night sometimes and I have an owl on my shelf with my crystals. I also at one point asked for a sign and one time I went around town and noticed a restaurant named Minerva.
Now back to the show Hellier. Before season 2 came out I had drawn very few digital pieces. I had 3 attempts at linear using a program called Krita. I drew an alien based on a dream I had, I drew Indrid Cold based on his role in the show. And I drew a satyr with glowing red eyes. I don't usually draw satyrs. Then months later I watch season 2 of Hellier. I think "ok but that satyr I drew isnt Pan like the Pan from the ritual in the season 2 finale.." Then months later I find an interview with Allen Greenfield. He's a dude integral to the show. He mentions this encountet with Pan where a friend comes out of the bushes and acts weird. The friend I guess somehow is shapeshifters into a Satyr with glowing red eyes amd is interpreted by the guy as being possessed by Pan or something. This wigs me out cus of the drawing I did of a satyr with glowing red eyes.
And then a few months ago.. I was drawing. I was using references from music videos. Some music popped into my mind. Slow Dancing in the Dark by Joji. I am stunned because I had no memory of him having goat legs in the music video. Then the Islander by Nightwish comed to mind to find references. A video with a satyr as album art pops up. I think "girl chill its just a Satyr not Pan. " then I found the album that art came from. They have a song about Pan. The other small fun weird things as well are.. I have 3 planets in Capricorn. And Capricorn is represented with the Goat. I also found a way to place asteroids? In my chart. I placed some asteroid Pan in my chart and he's in Capricorn. And for a while I considered my beliefs as Pantheist. (Just a coincidental pun) and then.. This tv show I loved. Chilling Tales of Sabrina. A satyr pops in a few weeks or so after I watched Hellier and Im telling myself I am nuts thinking its Pan. As I watch more the satyr turns out to be Pan. And before all of this, at one point i read about someone's experience with a trickster God. I made the offhand comment to myself "with my luck and how chaotic and confusing things have been, I wouldn't be surprised if I had a trickster as a patron God.. And then I laughed.. Pan wasn't on my mind before season 2 of Hellier. Somehow despite me looking into protogenoi and minor Gods, I didnt see a single mention of him.
I also.. When I was younger I adopted the phrase "oh sweet Poseidon" cus I had an art teacher who used to say "What In Hades" and.. One time I had a dream i died and floated in an endless sea.. I then did the astrology thing I mention with alleged asteroids named after various Gods. I tried to calculate what God/asteroid had the most favorable aspect without a negatige aspect.. And Poseidon was one of the few.
Anubis was another. When my class did a project on Egyptian Gods in 5th grade.. I believe at the time Anubis was my favorite.
I know.. Signs are personal. But I don't know if any of these could be significant enough to really point towards a deity. God Pan, I don't think I'd work well with him because of my discomfort my with sexuality. I also wonder if he isnt reaching out but the phenomena the show Hellier covers, is merely pointing to him as being a piece to a bigger puzzle. Idk. I don't think a bunch of Gods want to work with me. But I'm not entirely sure who I want to work with but I feel this desire to have a personal connection to a God or Goddess. There was also some minor coincidences with Cernnunos and Yahweh as well! I wonder if I could be manifesting this myself and I want to learn how to stop it and encourage real connection if there is one.