I'm tired of being bullied in my school because I'm just an idiot, I need an advice from all komodoes.

Well strangely your story is almost similar to me though different...

I'm chinese indonesian in an mixed christian school (almost fair amount of chinese and native student but majority is christian student) (its happening when i am a middle school student, right now i'm already graduated from there).

Being bullied in my school is kinda like everyday food to me (discrimination, racist, verbal bully and light pyshical bully). but unfortunately, i'm a really special person at those school... well... more likely a "bully magnet" person...

I'm remember when i'm reading and some of my "asshole" in group said "jawa-jawa, apik.... cina... guwak (javanese of "buang") but strangely those word said directly to me (there was several chinese in my class too but more likely it was directly said to me) and thus likely i was more hated in my school than most chinese student in my school (most of my native friends can said normally to my chinese friend)...

And actually everyone loved to call me "idiot" because of.. i don't know what is.. my nerdy face, stupid behaviour or because my "bully magnet" ability (LOL)... everyone just repeating saying idiot or some word with almost same pronounciation in more likely some racist accent (like when you said something in chinese accent etc).

Ironically i was always ranked 4th in my class every semester (so that mean i am smart people then..)

And there is this fucker asshole as well... he is chinese.. he has a ugly appearance, skinny and short person.. and he is, totally a ultra pain in the asses. He is total hypocrite, trying to act cool, liar, and have no remorse of what he did. but he is a total crybaby and use his parent as "backup" so more likely kick his butt only make the situation worse. I'm remember how he just run to his parent and mock someone parent so the one who got mocked can't answer the mock because... you know right.. there is his parent in his back..

And unfortunately... im more likely a perfect prey for this asshole.. but due of his appearance i just don't care because having a fight againts him just "useless" because his parent (again)... There is some time when i can't take it any longer i just punch his head several times, next day he apologize to me (and i accept it, hoping for some changes) but well, after some days he start mocking again.. like he has permanent amnesia for what he was got afterall...

And for the advice....well for my case i think every heroic thing i have done (stand out, consult to teacher and etc) just a totally useless attempt, due of my weak body, and yeah seriously this is what i'm doing:

  1. Trying to stand out, for my case is useless (except for the chinese student i was talking above, but it's still useless in the end anyways). to some of "asshole" (native group) is more likely a suicide attempt because they are a total thug (i won't last 5 seconds againts them) there is one time when i'm see a opening to punch his head, because of my weak body i'm unable to hit it hard. and sadly.. my attempt is more likely a "slapstick comedy " in other student point of view (you can imagine how everyone in my class look laughting happily seeing my "comedic wannabe attempt" comparing how hard my situation there to hold my shame and "sakit hati ini" <== XD) .. and you know what... it was used as gossip in other class after that study session... so yeah it "useless" (again?)..

  2. Consult to teacher.. i'm not do that, because for me and other student point of view it's more likely make everyone who do it will give a nickname "kanda-an (Javanese language of "love to reporting to the teacher" CMIIW)", like a loser attempt to make a "dominating move" so the teacher will give a punishment to the bully. so yeah after that it will just make another mockery among the one who do it (it's just for me and my friend school point of view, dunno if other school pov) so yeah "useless"... (AGAIN??)

More likely my attempt is just ignore it (i'm just feel like hurt inside, sometimes a little cry, but then after it like there is nothing i feel) so yeah "let it away (since "let it go" is too mainstream)" and i'm just like to have a conversation with my teacher (most with my Indonesian teacher) since that time i'm a total loner (more like thrown out from peer but i'm still have a normal conversation like normal people though it likely seldom), so yeah.. being alone is like a heaven to me... (not asking if i'm become introvert right now and no wonder i have a social anxiety whenever i see and go pass through a native stranger people in group in my age (strangely i can have a normal and mature conversation with a adult and grown up native people with no anxiety at all) due of my image whenever they are try to mock me whenever they see me here but it is that happen in my life now...)

And what i can doing now is just drawing to make my mind go relax (sometimes reading manga/comic, watching anime will help), writing something (like what you are doing right now, sharing) and try to read another people bullying story so you are not one who feel alone (their support can also be an answer for you)...

Fun fact: i think my "bully magnet" have a positive effect that made me ended in girl group because how i have little friend back then (my nicer friend at different classes) and yet sadly i also become deserted because i can't invent in girl talk at all (but hey at least i hope i can find something interesting while hearing what are this girl talk, one of those is "semua cowok sama saja" (don't take it seriously but i was heard that line once)...

It ended like a one heck long story.. sorry for my long rant "curhat" here.. hope you can have a better life after what everyone in this subreddit said and support... have a nice day..... :D

N.B: sorry but "bully magnet" is like hyperbola word somehow? but it actually what i was experienced back then...

/r/indonesia Thread