Both of my parents probably had some characteristics of BPD. My father probably had the characteristics of more exploitative type of BPD and my mother had the characteristics of "quiet BPD".

It was fucking horrible because they never learnt to deal with their feelings. When they became mad about something, it was really thick kind of madness. Their impulsive feelings could suddenly start a huge fight or they could create a more quiet passive-aggressive environment lasting for weeks. You never knew their feelings yet their feelings controlled everything.

If my mother was occupied with her emotional problems, she wasn't able to take care of us kids. She didn't wash our clothes nor buy us new clothes even if we needed those. I hand-washed my clothes from very early on.

When I needed something, I was scared to ask for it because my mother seemed to have so much to deal with already and she always said "we'll see". It could take weeks 'til she actually provided me with the thing I needed. I had bad eye-sight for example and needed eye-glasses but it took months to actually get those glasses. It wasn't about money.

Both of my parents cried often and felt sorry for themselves. My mother threatened to kill herself and asked my father to kill her.

The atmosphere at home was so hard for me to handle that I already tried to kill myself when I was 12 or so. When I was 14, I felt utterly desperate that I still had 4 more years to go 'til I could move to my own apartment. And when I left, they tried to make me stay. Whenever I said I wasn't feeling well at home, they didn't take me seriously. They thought everything was OK. My mother cried that I shouldn't leave her. The fuck? She couldn't take care of her children yet she doesn't want to let them take care of themselves either.

Sorry for the rant.