I want you to know that your experiences are valid. You deserve kindness. You are worthy of loving yourself. You are okay as you are. In recognizing yourself as you are, you are already showing yourself kindness and understanding by doing so - and will see - you are okay as you are.

All of these people showing you unkindness for their own selfish external needs have nothing to do with the validity of your experience. I know exactly what its like to fall in love like this. It is so so powerful, and deep, and I want nothing more than that for you - you deserve deep love with someone - however, be careful, and set healthy boundaries, and understand what your emotional wellbeing means to you. It is so easy to get caught up in all that you lose sight of your own wellbeing and invalidate yourself. Your feelings of upset, or distrust, or guilt, do not make you a bad person. They are okay as you are.

Anyone here who is invalidating you has nothing to do with the validity of your experience. It is okay to feel so much love for a person, and want to marry them so soon. It is okay to FEEL that way.

I just want you to know that, sometimes, bad people know what people want to hear, and, when they feel lack of control of a person, they tell them those things until they have control. These types of people are usually serious. I don't know, but to me, this sounds like something you should educate yourself on.

Consider whether you are feeling confused, and if he is saying you are misunderstanding things a lot

• Does this person make you feel shame or guilt in any way?
• Does this person blame you for their feelings?
• Does this person tell you you are misremembering things often?

I want to recommend for your own safety and wellbeing however that you look into a youtuber named Katy Morton and look around to see if anything resonates with you.

• Take note of your experiences
• Learn what it means to set healthy boundaries for YOUR wellbeing.
• Learn what your idea of being emotionally safe, and okay, means to you
  • If this person is not interested in your boundaries, or your feelings of safety, then this person is not interested in your wellbeing.

Your wellbeing matters. You know what it feels like to be okay. You need to set boundaries for that feelings' sake.

In the mean time I want to recommend that you really pay attention to your feelings.

• Are you feeling safe or unsafe?
• Are you feeling emotionally okay?
• Are you feeling any guilt for certain thoughts or feelings?

If any of this resonated with you OP, please, on your account, in your own comfort and safe place - look into narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, and cluster B personality types, as well as c-PTSD.

I wish you well.