I will share my own awakenings that may or may not resonate with you. When I feel concerned about my child’s behaviour, more often than not I am projecting my own perception of how other parents will judge me. When I step back and think of what response to a situation is best for the child, it may often deviate from societal expectations.

Similarly, when my kids have been inconsolable, I tend to self blame that I am incapable of helping them. So I might yell at my child because I am frustrated that I have not satisfied their needs adequately. But this is obviously difficult. Often I need to rationalize and process the need of the child independent of my feelings. Eg., when behaving badly, a child may need a hug to soothe them contrary to a punishment that compounds their hurt.

Finally, relieving myself of ownership of their success or failure. I don’t determine what will make them happy or sad in the future. And their path to their future may not be linear. Some core principles such as respect for self and avoidance of harm can establish helpful boundaries, but beyond that I am best to step back and let them discover themselves.

Hope this might help. Good luck on your journey!