For anyone strong willed and open minded I recommend drugs, as long as they respect them. Since the first time I smoked weed I had an urge to see how different drugs made me think. I since tried everything enough times to see, and have found the two most interesting things to take are mdma and acid. Mdma will always make me change my negative thoughts and either tell me why they don't matter or why I need to make amends. I apologised to a person who I hate who I still think is evil, and ended up feeling clean from carrying that. I hope it becomes a common use in therapy, it's really approachable and could treat a lot of ptsd or depression sufferers. And for people who are up to the task, acid is crazy. If you can handle a high enough dose to see hallucinations then you can start to question how you perceive everything. But the take away I find is my train of thought, I start to think about situations in life or events from an angle or perspective that is so different and I never would have thought to approach. The challenge is remembering it, and making a use for that idea. Acid is an intense experience the first few times before you find out how to survive it for 8 hours. And you have to take it months apart. But you see a whole different side of thought that's really interesting. I wish I had an example but I stopped drugs two years ago so I could settle down and just try be normal.

I love trying to understand myself and how I work though. Growing up overseas made me question what normal is and start to see why I do things, and eventually try to make myself prepared for any situation. I still find myself adapting though and having to admit I'm wrong. But these days I'm pretty confident of how to handle things. I'm happy to change my thoughts if someone makes a good argument that I agree with as well. Coupled with dealing with assholes in bartending I can manage to ignore my fear (which causes dumb decisions) and react quickly. I do get intimidated by people who seem to just have grown up confident in their actions, especially when they're always well meaning. Makes me feel not genuine.

To be honest though I'm just happy that I can make sense of life myself, rather than let situations confuse and affect me. I've been making reddit my outlet lately so I can discuss my thoughts and real life for enjoying and trying to progress, I think I come across douchey, but people are more willing to discuss it candidly online. I just make sure to disengage and enjoy life as much as possible. No point pondering life and taking it seriously all the time, laughing about dumb shit with people is just as enjoyable.