First of all I'm SO SORRY for the loss of your baby girl (you didn't mention her name). You're doing the best thing, which is reaching out for help.
You were blessed to be there for her when she passed. She knew you and your wife were there and that was the best thing you could have done for her.
Everything you've mentioned I've gone through these past few days. We just lost our Molly (our precious cat) on Sunday, much like yours, suddenly. She had much more life to live. She was just supposed to have fluid removed around her lungs. The vet called us after some time and told us to come down because she wasn't going to make it. She had crashed and they were keeping her alive just long enough so we could say good-bye. The part that rips me to shreds is that when I spoke to her, her pulse went up to almost normal. I fought hard to make the decision to let her go. It's been an unbearably difficult few days.
The first day (Sunday) I was inconsolable. I was crying uncontrollably. I was given sleeping pills to try to ease my pain and get some rest, but I was so far gone, even those didn't work. I only slept for about 45 minutes that day. I was up, I was down. When I was lying down, I wanted to get up and pace. When I was pacing, I wanted to lie down. I couldn't bear to be in our favorite places (the family room, the living room, my office) because it hurt so bad. The constant ache was excruciating. I thought I was going crazy. That first day, I couldn't stop crying at all. I didn't sleep but a few hours that night, waking up about every hour and a half, crying myself back to sleep. I felt so alone, not having her by my side. My two small dogs were still there, but she was not. We still have her brother and sister, but I couldn't even look at them because they reminded me of her. That wasn't logical to me at all, but I couldn't handle them the first day. I felt guilty.
Monday, we had to go pick her up from the vet's to take her to get cremated. I was surprised how well I did throughout the whole process. The pet cemetery let us (me and my son, who is about your age) say our last good-byes. They were great. But when I got home I lost it. I cried so hard, yet again. The pain of going back to the house with her gone, was still unbearable. I took a long, slow walk with my pups. I just wanted to get out of the house. Unfortunately, there were people out and about and I wasn't ready to talk to anyone yet because I would just start crying, so I avoided almost everyone at all costs. When I got back, it was still bad. I longed for her so much. I had to get all her stuff together and put them in a corner (out of site) that I could visit when I was ready (I'm still not there). I ended up reaching out to Facebook. I posted a few photos of her and the fact that we had to let her go. The response from my friends was so very helpful and soothing. It's amazing how far "I'm sorry for your loss" will go. I read those posts over and over again. It helped (and still does) tremendously, especially in the wee hours of the night, when it felt like I was/am so alone. I didn't sleep well that night either. Waking up, crying, waking up, crying.
Yesterday was better, but I was still depressed. I went through and got every single photo and video I had of her. I can’t tell you how soothing it was to see her videos. It was the first time I actually smiled. I decided to take my two dogs for a walk. We walked for 3 1/2 hours.
I've lost many pets throughout my life; some died of old age, others died suddenly but all-in-all, the pain is the same – excruciating. Lately, I find that I grieve for the years Molly should have had.
Like you, I still feel empty and aimless. I feel guilty But I can assure you, it DOES get better, a little at a time. One thing I wish I would have know about those first few days is the ASPCA's Pet Loss Hotline at (877) GRIEF-10. I found it on this web page: https://www.aspca.org/pet-care/pet-loss. I hope it helps.
After I write this, we're going to pick-up my Molly's ashes. It'll be difficult, but at least in a sense, she'll be with us. In a few days, we’ll get some sort of memorial stone, too. They sell those online.
