I’m sorry for your loss. My experience is slightly different. My mother was diagnosed with cancer during 1L year. Her status has been steadily declining over the course of two years, but she’s still alive. My relationship with my mother has always been fraught. But when I first found out, I was nearly catatonic for weeks. And I’ve been living in this state of limbo for almost two years. The slow burning dread that any phone call could mean the loss of my mother has deeply affected me. I can only imagine what you’re going through since you and your mother were so close.

My advice to you is to take time to process the loss: cry, call your siblings or friends, and be thankful for the good times you had with your mom. One day you’ll be able to stand again even if it’ll never be the same. And when you do, live a life that your mother would be proud of, in a way that honors her, in a way that puts your mother’s best traits on display for others. It’s not easy, but it does get easier.