Piggyback on top comment to repost the original post.
Edit: Im a guy. I realize now I never mentioned that in the entire post, I supposed its sort of relevant.
Would rather not go into the extensive legal details of this because I know its gonna cause a shit storm. I went to jail for this for quite a few years. I'm 37 now.
Growing up I had basically nothing. I grew up in a torn down ghetto, both my parents abused me and hit me all the time, my brothers were in a gang. We lived in the projects. My life was, from the start, bleak. At 16, I got into heroin. I literally just wanted anything to escape what I was in, and at the time the only thing that was running through my mind was either deal drugs, kill myself, or do drugs. I knew how 'good' it felt, and I was just desperate for any sort of happiness.
Anyways by 17 I was just a full blown junkie living in a cramped apartment with a bunch of other people. Lots of people came in and out of the squat.
This was just 2 days after my 18th birthday, I remember that much. I was sleeping in one of the rooms, and I was high. A guy suddenly grabbed me and I sort of snapped out of my highness and realized he was holding me down. I didn't understand what was happening. He then tugged my pants down, and I looked back and his penis was out, and he sort of rubbed it against my butt cheek and I just screamed and pushed him off and grabbed my knife on my desk and stabbed him over and over, maybe 6 times, mostly in the arms. A bunch of people ran in, and saw him bleeding and took him into the living room and called an ambulance. Instead of just leaving it there, I ran into the living room, pushed the others out of the way, and stabbed him again twice. Once in the neck, again in the chest. A girl named Jess tried to tackle the knife out of my hand and I punched her and also sliced her accidentally on the arm. It was a bad cut, but she was fine. When I realized what I did I ran out of the apartment and slipped down the stairs and just sort of laid there at the bottom of the stairs thinking about what I just did. I wasn't hurt or anything from the fall, but I remember just laying there at the bottom of the stairs in shock. He died before the ambulance got there.
I couldn't honestly tell you why I ran in to stab him again. He would have definitely survived the first time, it was a small knife and the stabs were not deep and were on his arm. At the time I was just so confused, so scared and angry and in just a sense of adrenaline. I don't really fully remember the incident in clear memory, or rather, I don't remember my emotions at the time. I remember the actions, but not what went through my head.
At the same time, I have no sympathy for the man. He was a rapist, and, according to his record which was brought up in court, a child molester. I am only 5'6, and I looked very young at 18. I am pretty positive he thought I was a child, or at least a young teen. I looked like I was maybe 15 when I was 18.
Anyways, that's it. I went to prison for that. There were a ton of witnesses. I got clean in prison. I really have nothing going on in my life, I sort of just exist off the grid, working a low wage job and living in a shitty apartment. I love video games a lot, I spend almost all my free time on them. Obviously also love reddit too. But in a way I think that if that event never happened, I would have died from an OD sooner or later. At least I am alive.