All I can do is offer a different perspective, perhaps one that might make you reconsider the value of being alone.

I’ve always been in a relationship. My mother was extremely neglectful and abusive, my father dead. I was a very lost child/young adult. I had no family to make me feel safe, structured, cared for. As soon as I could, I took matters into my own hands. I found my own fucked up stability within relationships, and I never left them until I could find another.

And now I’m in a very old relationship where my love has run its course but I’m too scared to end things (no advice please, I’m working on it). I lament never having independent time alone to find myself. Friendships died in favor of my relationship. My work, education, lifestyle, was all influenced by someone else. In a time period where you’re supposed to be developing, I could never sit down and just make decisions based on what I truly wanted.

I guess I’m just writing this to say that you have immense value in the experience you endured, even if it’s not what you wanted. You may envy “being chosen” but I envy your independent security and complete dedication to yourself that being single allowed you. When you finally do find someone special, you will be in such a fantastic place personally. You will have so much to offer.

Relationships are hard, and finding one that enriches your life is even harder. The grass is always greener. I wish you lots of happiness.