I will try my best to summarize. I’m leaving out stuff that isn’t necessary hoping that I get more answers. The names are changed for obvious reasons.
My life has been a complete shit-show the past year. It’s made me a stronger person for it but I’m trying not to land in any legal hot water for it either. I’m also trying not to make this a journal.
Nov 2017
Divorced roughly a year ago from Katie. Katie was a 15-year high school sweetheart relationship that once may have been good but my memory is clouded after a few life events as it became soulless and manipulative.
I provided for Katie our whole life with working a job since we first got together at 15 and as the years went on after marriage at 22 she has had more mental diagnoses than jobs held down.
So last year after being officially separated from Katie...I got with another girl, Lisa, before my divorce was even filed but after separation (one of many big mistakes).
Katie got to stay in the house that I am paying for because fucking why not. She convinced me. I thought she was going to play fair.
I’m not sure looking back why I agreed to this. But I don’t think to pull her out by her hair in the middle of the street and locking her out was legal either.
Mid Nov 2017
Lisa and I have a good time hanging out each day while she’s going to school and I work nearby. After a couple of weeks gives me a place to stay at her dad’s rent house in our town for free.
I learn a lot about Lisa. I learn that she has a very volatile family life. She doesn’t speak to either of her two siblings or her mother. Lisa claims her mother was very emotionally and physically abusive while she was in her life. Lisa and her dad have a conflicted relationship but I come to find he is very similar to myself.
December 2017
Lisa moves 4 hours away for a job. I co-sign on the lease with Lisa because I plan to move with her (mistake). I make the 4-hour drive to our new place every weekend to make the haul to take Lisa her stuff.
February 2018
Lisa starts to throw it in my face that I’m living there at her dad’s for free and not helping out her dad at his mechanic shop.
I try to explain that in between work, talking to her, and my freelancing that it is hard to find time to do other things but I can pay an amount. She becomes passive aggressive about the issue to the point I move home with my mom at her apartment.
I get a little restless of that after a couple of weeks and she eventually convinces me to stay at her dad’s again. However, I decided just to pay him $150 a month for electric and what not.
April 2018
I finally move in with Lisa and land a job nearby. I quickly become the one buying all the food, house decor, furniture, misc items. Lisa is paying the entire rent + utilities.
We both seem understanding of this arrangement as I’m still paying on my monthly mortgage for my house that my Katie and I own. Katie is still living in the house at this point.
After lots of petty fights off and on, I try to break it off with Lisa for the first time. It becomes very emotional and she convinces me the stress of the divorce is the reason and I had a really hard time seeing her cry.
This seems like a dumb detail but I have to mention it for later reference: there is one time where I was cleaning Lisa’s ferrets’ cage (something she never did and rarely fed or watered them) and tossed one the ferrets on a plastic trash bag because it started shitting right where I cleaned.
Lisa claimed it was animal abuse and I ended up having to admit to it and apologize for it.
Looking back, I should have took those poor little dudes when I left.
May 2018
Around this time my divorce with Katie is finalized. I realize I’m very unhappy despite the stress of the divorce being gone.
June 2018
Katie has been given roughly a month to move out. In the divorce document it was stated she was to leave the house in clean condition. The house was a fucking wreck.
I consulted with my lawyer and she said that any labor that we did as a family to make the house ready for sale would most likely not be awarded any reparations. However, if we hired a cleaning crew then we’d get repayment.
I knew Kate wouldn’t and couldn’t shell out the money for a crew. I didn’t want to front the money for a crew either.
I know this wasn’t ethically right, but essentially I started a ‘fake’ business for my uncles, who legitimately are handymen, to come out and help clean.
I made an invoice and everything at a measly $25 an hour but the total time spent (this was accurate) resulted in around $2k for the ‘bill’.
Lisa is aware of this and helps itemize and record the ‘invoice.’
Important side note:
During this time, one night, despite my numerous attempts at telling Lisa that at times I can’t physically sleep if her weight is resting on me... I wake up punching her back from a night terror not knowing what/where I was. I felt genuinely bad and apologized for about a week.
July 2018
I start helping Lisa pay half the rent since things start to slow down with spending of furnishing a new place.
I think break up attempts are now at about 4. Lisa’s already caught me looking for apartments but still remains in the relationship.
I even tell her that she has no respect for herself for staying. She claims she stays out of care for me. I really believed it at the time.
My mom goes by the house for sale and notices a package to Katie. She takes it and I suggest we might as well open it (big mistake). As Katie routinely opened all my mail when we first split. Like, every letter. I know it doesn’t make it ok that I did this.
We found that they were college books. I decided to keep them. Not the smartest thing but I viewed it as an easy payback for all the ways I was shortchanged. Petty I know. But even Lisa encouraged this at the time.
August 2018
I get a message from my mom that during my dad’s operation for his gallbladder that they found cancer in his pancreas. It was stage 3 as he was already jaundiced. The family decides not to seek treatment or further surgery due to my dad’s age of 80 and mental state.
September 2018
I finally decide to break it off. It’s way more emotional for me on the final day that I realize it while I’m packing some things to take to the new apartment I have picked out. It hurts a lot. I don’t grab everything, but I grab some things.
I write her a very heartfelt letter wishing her the best and hoping she understood why I have to leave that way.
I get almost zero contact from Lisa. I’m requested to turn in my key.
Sep 8 2018
Lisa and I: https://imgur.com/a/XTHSxDq
The landlady makes a good case for me to turn in my key and gate key fob as for her safety, peace of mind, etc. I get it. She agrees she would be present for any and all exchange of items.
I found that bit a little unnecessary but agreed nonetheless. I end up making two trips for my things she prepares for me.
Sept 10
I write Lisa the first email: https://imgur.com/a/cbpMUor
Sept 10 (later that night)
Lisa posts online about me in vague detail to her gaming community. One guy Lisa knows online starts harassing me about stuff she’s told him. It pisses me off.
I didn’t get to say all the honest things I wanted to say to Lisa.... so I email her the following:
Me to Lisa: https://imgur.com/a/FxZJ5WB
Not wise, but not threatening. None of this is threatening, I feel.
September 21
So somehow almost 11 days go by in between moving in and adjusting that I feel like I’m moving on and I almost forget about the stuff I don’t have yet that I haven’t even picked up.
And then I find out that Lisa had been talking to Katie the past few days. My mom gets a message from Katie.
It’s hard to convey my mom’s personality in a simple sentence but she is personable, loveable, kind, and funny. She can also be savage because I am her only son.
She said a lot of things in group messages to Lisa and I about Katie in anger for the years of emotional abuse she stood by and watched happen to me. I naturally told her that it wouldn’t have done her any good and that I would have had to see it for myself.
Even Lisa suggested we run over Katie with a car in jest.
This being said, take the message into context.
Katie to my mom: https://imgur.com/a/5r5txYK
Being hurt more than anything, I wrote an email to Lisa. Knowing that it was her who let Katie know all these things. Looking back. I was really emotional. I should have collected myself better. But I did it anyway...
Me to Lisa: https://imgur.com/a/yQDzHvp
Sept 22
After being hurt, it turned into anger. I realized that if Lisa went to the law with the accusations that my mom could face consequences for something she didn’t even really mean.
Regrettably, I sent this email to Lisa...
Me to Lisa: https://imgur.com/a/W1abGJ5
Sept 25
I have the following email chain with our landlady:
Sept 26
At this point. I am bitter. I almost didn’t care about the stuff, to begin with. And now, I felt that after Lisa going to Katie, I needed to stand up for myself.
Keep in mind, this is less than $5k worth of stuff. But part of it is stuff for work, most of it things I bought for the house, and even a couple of firearms.
Me to Lisa: https://imgur.com/a/LAIX7hF
This is the grand ole finale, to me. My mom tells Lisa that I sent her an important email.
She replies with this:
Lisa to my mom: https://imgur.com/a/a6jJ1t2
TLDR: My crazy ex-gf talked to my ex-wife and now they are both using half-truths to blackmail me from getting my stuff back from my ex-gf and I am worried they’ll pursue it anyway to ruin me in the future at their discretion.
My questions can be summarized to this:
Do I legally owe her for half the back-paid rent money while I was not living there but still on the lease?The stuff from her Dillard’s card I alone almost completely paid for, as they were items for myself. The furniture I have receipts for...I have no history of being abusive. I’ve smashed